


clash

by whereshiphappens (xiiis16)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Originally Posted on Tumblr, conflicted feelings, raven tries to convince murphy to rejoin the group in the ship, set somewhere in those 5 years before the beginning of season 5, with some...... liberties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 07:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16342175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiiis16/pseuds/whereshiphappens
Summary: “Murphy!” she calls raising her voice and he stops, takes a deep breath. “You can’t just walk away from people like this!”He turns around then, lips pursed and a look in his eyes that reminds her of something else, and she holds her breath as he takes a couple steps closer to her. “I can,” he retorts, assertively. His eyes travel all across her face and it takes her back to a few months back, before this mess. “And who’s fault is it, Reyes?”





	clash

**Author's Note:**

> a fill for a prompt with the sentence _“What do you want me to say?”_

* * *

 

 

 

She can never be as quiet as she wants, not with the metal gadget attached to her leg that keeps her moving in the first place. It doesn’t really matter, anyway. Raven knows that Murphy has probably seen her coming from a mile away. She doesn’t mean to sneak up on him either.

He’s standing in a dark corner against the wall, and when she notices him there, it startles her. She stops abruptly.

Murphy scoffs amused and steps closer, “don’t worry, I wouldn’t hurt you,” he says. Raven throws him a pointed look and he flinches, eyes darting over her leg for a moment, “again,” he adds, bitter.

She takes a deep breath and crosses her arms over her chest, frowning at him, “I don’t know - with all the time you spend away from other humans, I’m surprised you still know how to talk even, let alone behave like a person.” Murphy laughs, but it’s humourless mostly.

“I recently found out that talking is overrated, apparently,” he says, and the sarcasm dripping from his voice is a jab at Raven she wishes he could stop himself from. She didn’t come here for this.

“Come back to the group,” Raven says instead, giving up on the smart remarks. Murphy shakes his head, turns his back on her like he’s tired of this conversation already.

“Not happening,” he mumbles, starting to walk away.

“Murphy!” she calls raising her voice and he stops, takes a deep breath. “You can’t just walk away from people like this!”

He turns around then, lips pursed and a look in his eyes that reminds her of something else, and she holds her breath as he takes a couple steps closer to her. “I can,” he retorts, assertively. His eyes travel all across her face and it takes her back to a few months back, before this mess. “And who’s fault is it, Reyes?” he adds in a low voice, charged with tension.

Raven doesn’t want to talk about this, she really doesn’t. The memory haunts her brain and weights on her chest and she feels like she can’t breathe. So she attacks.

“What do you want me so say, John? That it’s mine?!” her voice raises and there’s a lump on her throat forming when Raven realizes there’s no going around this conversation, if she wants Murphy to come back.

“It is!” he yells back.

She’s been avoiding it like the plague because of everything it ensued. Because talking about it out loud would be acknowledging what happened, that it  _did_ happen and she doesn’t know if she can handle it. It’s messy and wrong. Why Murphy couldn’t see that was beyond her.

“How can you think that, how can you seriously not see the logic in this, you selfish prat?!”

They live in a ship, floating on space. They live, and will potentially live with the same other  five people until God knows when. In Raven’s mind, it’s simple; you keep it from getting messy.

She feels her heart beating up her throat, threatening to spill right out of her mouth whenever she thinks about what Murphy did that ultimately made him want to stay away from them all; contrary to all the others who were fed some bullshit excuse, she knows the real reason why.

It is her fault, she knows that, deep down. But she was waiting for Murphy to understand, stop fighting her on this, stop making it so hard for her.

But he’s Murphy.

“Logic.” he repeats, deflated, looking at her with a defeated smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “ _Logic_ , Raven?” he squints at her, shakes his head. “What logic is there in wanting you this much, and having to stay away when you want me back?”

She breaks eye contact, brings a hand to her head, inhales, and closes her eyes like hearing those words is too much to handle.

But immediately her brain is assaulted by the memories of that late night, when everyone was asleep and Raven was attempting to show him the basics of piloting a ship. All that she sees is the way he pulled her chair, taking her by surprise; how he turned it to him in a silent moment after they’d been laughing. She can feel the way he took her hand, touched her face, looked all over her like he didn’t know which part he wanted to touch first.

Her breath catches just like it did when he came closer, eyes wild and everywhere, whispering her name under his breath before finally kissing her. Touching her lips softly first, before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he groaned; kissing her like he was starving until his  _girlfriend_ ’s name came to her head and she pushed him off of her.

It’s the same thing that pulls her out of the memory now - the reminder of how complicated this would make things. Raven doesn’t think she can deal with complicated right now. So pretend it never happened, pretend that they never fought about it, pretend her rejection wasn’t what made Murphy separate from them was the only way she could deal with it.

Raven scrunches up her face like she’s in actual pain, bringing both her hands to her temples and turning away from him, “Fuck, Murphy!” she curses, conflict in her strangled voice.

The atmosphere changes all around them.

Murphy reaches for her, and she slaps his hand away, “no,” she says, trying to make her voice sound steady; it doesn’t really work.

“Raven,” reaching for her, he calls again in that low soft tone, like he’s begging her. He tries to hug her and she wrestles out of his arms halfheartedly. “ _Raven_ ,” he whispers, and she looks up at him, not struggling at all as his hands go around her waist and he pulls her flush against his chest.

She doesn’t know why she wants this. Why it feels like the right thing. Why suddenly, instead of bring him back, she wants to just stay here with him. She punches his chest, even though she puts no strength into it. “I don’t even like you,” she whispers against his chest, closing his eyes, giving in completely.

“I know,” he replies and she can hear the little amount of amusement in his voice. Problem is, she doesn’t mean that. Problem is, she really does like him.

He probably knows that too.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [find me on tumblr :) ](https://whereshiphappens.tumblr.com)


End file.
